The Week in Yelp: Obsessed With Pickles

From the people who brought you The Week in Craig, one of the all time great uses of the internet, comes Eater's newest feature: The Week in Yelp, wherein Amy Blair takes aim at the ridiculousness that is the world of Yelp. Her intrepid Yelp-surfing, and words, follow:

Awkward confession alert! When I was a child, because I loved them so much, if I was upset my mother would comfort me by giving me a cucumber to fall asleep holding like a teddy bear. (Explains a lot, huh?). Eventually my love of cucumbers morphed into a full-on pickle obsession, and if you open my refrigerator right now you won't find much beyond a Brita water filter, some soggy asparagus, a bottle of ketchup and of course, a jar of pickles. When I quit my last job, my coworkers sent me off with a subscription to the Pickle-of-the-Month Club. My beloved childhood cat (and brother from another mother), Doozer, even ate pickles. A cat! Who ate pickles! In high school for multicultural food day, when asked to make a favorite dish that represented one's cultural background to share with the class, I brought in twenty-five pickle sandwiches. In my delusional little fantasy world, I own a cucumber farm, and all I do is make pickles all day long which I sell at a stand on the side of the road. Seriously, this is what I daydream about.

I am straight-up obsessed with pickles. It's crazy nerdy, yes, but I just don't give a shit. Pickles rule.

A word to the wise, according to this guy New York Burger and its lousy little pickles is to be avoided?

As with any burger veggie or otherwise, forget the sauces and ketchups.
A burger is as only as good as the pickle. NY Burger has lousy little pickles. Lets see I had the chili , burger ,fries and onion rings well we both had all of that. Maybe it was the time of day everything was soggy the lettuce tomatoes even the fries. The service was fast but after the meal
I truly wanted to be bulimic for that moment. I would rather pay the money for Jack's hole than waste another dining experience at NY Burger. Oh just to top off the evening they threw me out of Best Buy for yelling at the geek squad people for trying to sell 2 different people MS Office for $ 300 each. I whipped out my little Q1 Samsung and showed them my free Open Office Suite.

This dude has a truly amazing ability to misunderstand the concept of punctuation. Anywayyyy, it's called "Jackson Hole," buddy. Not to stereotype too much, but people who pay for "Jack's Hole" usually get themselves kicked out of Best Buy for whipping out their little Samsungs (and I'm not talking about a mobile PC)?not for arguing over MS Office. Although I have to agree?a burger IS only as good as its pickle.

In the mood for a flippin pickle? Try the Pasadena Sandwich Co.

They do something magical with a sammich.
Order the turkey with avocado. I'm in love with a place that shreds the lettuce before putting it in your sammich and they don't scrimp on the mustard. And don't forget the flippin pickle! And they don't. Which makes this place reign supreme. I've noticed too many places that make sammiches and don't throw that pickle on the side. For shame. I haven't been brave enough to trust the cook but I also don't catch them open a whole lot either. It always seems that I am within minutes too late to answer my gurgling belly. I really wish they would keep their doors open later for people like me.

Kitten, if you use the word "sammich" one more time I'm seriously going to get violent. That is all.

And don't forget, wet cucumbers are not pickles!

The worst diner I've ever been to. I'd rather hang out with Charon for a day and I'd even ferry the dead myself instead of eating at the Manhattan Diner again.

To be fair, I ate at this wretched establishment at about six in the morning after a long night of drinking and poker. I had three friends from California visiting and naturally, at that hour, we set out to find a decent breakfast. However, I don't really enjoy breakfast foods at any hour, and my friends too were looking for something other than eggs and toast.

Thus, after walking around the upper west side for half an hour or so, we took our chances with the diner and settled in. When the water came by, I ordered the chicken fried steak. The waiter informed me that this choice wasn't available. Then, I ordered something else (I can't recall what it was) and that too wasn't availabe. My friends had the same problem. So in the end, we spent about 25 minutes ordering because we couldn't really order anything on the damn menu. I finally settled for a BLT, out of frustration, and hoped for the best.

THE FOOD SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was the worst sandwich I've ever had (wilted lettuce, sunburned tomatoes) and their "pickles" weren't even brined long enough. Wet cucumbers are not pickles! They are not pickles! They are not pickles! My friends and I walked home without saying much. We were angry, and still were, when we woke up in the afternoon. My friends decided this was the worst meal they've ever eaten in the city and I would have to agree.

Alright, I understand the upset caused by a bad pickle (although he's kind of having a No Wire Hangers moment here over diner food – what exactly did you expect?), but that little Greek mythology reference is just intolerable. You'd rather hang out with Charon for a day than eat here again? Oy vey, dude. Get a life.

German pickles anyone?

Hilda, my darling... get me my lederhosen....

Let's just say, I was having a very German Saturday! Spaten, bratwurst, sour kraut, sweet pickles, Haribo golden gummy bears, and German chocolate cake (later that night....after dinner)!

We ended up heading to this little hole in the wall deli for some quick sandwiches for lunch. The hot bratwurst with kraut and spicy muster on the roll is so delicious! We walked over to the park across the shop and ate it along with two Spatens (yay for public drunkeness!) and it was extremely satifying.

They also have a store full of German imported products such as HARIBO GOLDENS....MADE IN GERMANY! This is not the US made stuff folks....this is the real deal - so much chewier!

Anyhoo..yeah, a whole store of German products and the ladies working there are also very sweet...great little deli.

Uh, did Clark W. Griswold write this review?

And last but not least, the reason why you don't let a man in a pickle costume and a giant sombrero around your children:

Mr. Pickles, you're the one; you make lunchtime so much fun! He's almost as cute as Rubber Ducky, wearing that giddy sombrero and packing all that heat for the kiddies to play with. Their sandwich size fits a large man with a healthy appetite, but they also offer half orders for the pipsqueaks (like me). Or you can share with a friend. The meatballs are yum. My boring but satisfying go-to is turkey provolone avocado. The Mr. isn't worthy enough to even kiss Sub Center's left pinkie toe, but it's a good start for this part of the Mission. I was inclined to give them three stars, but the zany mascot bumped it up to four. Gumby ain't got nothin' on you.

Packing all that heat for the kiddies to play with? What the hell is wrong with you, pipsqueak? Alright, gotta get back to the pickle stand. Business calls!

—Amy Blair