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Adventures in Shilling: FiDi Lunch Edition

Please join us for another edition of Adventures in Shilling as we celebrate the grossest shills from around the 'nets. As always, you too can help fight shills.

2008_05_chiaro.jpgNothing spurs shills quite like some neighborhood competition, and no collection of restaurants vie so directly for the same diners' cash quite like the Financial District's many lunch destinations. Up first, Cello's, where perfect kebabs surprise unsuspecting folk:

It's not too often that a kebab can surprise me, but this one did. Out scouting for a quick lunch today in FiDi and lines were huge everywhere because its so nice out, then I remembered this place, because a guy had handed me a menu on the street a couple weeks ago, which I figured was a sure sign they wouldn't be busy. And they weren't. Ordered a chicken kebab and steeled myself for the overcooked dry chicken with a few limp grilled veggies over rice that is so typical of what you get at places like this, and was surprised to find that, what?, the chicken was actually moist, full of flavor, and perfectly cooked. Not your typical chunk of chicken that's been sitting on a skewer for an hour waiting for someone to order it...
The post goes on to boast about the menu prices, but since it's a regular poster, odds are it's not a shill, but rather just a Chowhound unusually smitten with the new find. Shill Probability: 18%. Fortunately, there's more shilling to be had.

Let's up the ante at noted Yelp fave Krivaar Cafe, where first time reviewers from SoCal are smitten with Koko:

There is nothing like Krivaar in San Diego, which totally sucks because when I want some good mediterranian food I have to settle for the cardboard you get here and it never satisfies my cravings. The hummus is sooo good and fresh. Koko is very hosipitable and friendly and if you don't know about the food or what you want just ask him! I would definitely recommend stopping in here for lunch.
Shill Probability: 65%
Moving along to bigger fish, Chiaroscuro is still trying to get attention under the TransAmerica Building, and what better way to do that than by countering all the naysayers by a) pointing out that the chef is from Italy, and b) reminding them how shitty service can be in Italy:
We stopped by this place and thought we should check it out since its new and because the host (Alessandro) was so charming and inviting. The pasta is great and we loved the salad. Its very authentic Italian.A bit pricey for lunch but its good. Reminds me of Italy. Other reviewers think the service is slow.... not really.... you're in an Italian restaurant.... what do you expect.... the Italians know how to relax and enjoy their wine and food. You think this is slow.... go to Rome... dinner can last from 7 to midnite.
Shill Probability: 77%
Even better:
Hands down the greatest, most authentic, most romantic Italian restaurant in the city. Chef Alessandro is an unbelievable talent.. thank God he exported himself from Italy to San Francisco!

If you want to have a truly orgasmic experience, order the Chef's menu. Demand the profiteroles for dessert! Order the rib-eye or the duck for an entree. I don't even eat duck normally, but chef has put some mystical flavoring into his version... se magnifique!

If you pass up this place and you love Italian food, do me a favor and slap yourself. Twice.
Shill Probability: 95%

We apologize in advance for this, but finally, we think that maybe—just maybe—that someone related to Best-O-Burger might have visited the Eater Comments field:
I THINK THAT BEST-O-BURGER IS THE BEST BURGER EVER IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! IT IS SOOO YUMMY IN MY TUMMY! I LOVE IT SOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!! I COULD EAT A MILLION BIZZILION BURGERS AND BAGS OF FRIES AND ONIONS! I LOVE THE COMBO OF FRIES AND ONIONS! IT IS SOOOOOOO FANTASTICALLY AMAZINGLY EXTRAORDINARY! COME AND EAT LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS!!!!!!!!! FEEL FREE TO COME BACK AS MANY TIMES AS YOU WANT BECAUSE IT WILL NEVER BE BAD! IT IS ALWAYS AMAZINGLY AMAZING! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Prepubescent Shill Probability: 93%
Yikes. But don't knock the exterior either:
BY THE WAY THE EXTERIOR IS JUST FINE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Shill Probability: 98%
· Adventures in Shilling Archives [~ESF~]

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