Imaginations Unleashed: One Yelper's Vision of the Future

When it comes to the local demicult called Yelp, one of the more frequent—and valid—criticisms of the site has been the uncertainty of sustaining long-term viability. Given the fact that no one really wants to sift through the 900 reviews on Gary Danko (let alone the 143 for Waterbar already), many have wondered what will be the next step for Yelp once it jumps the shark, if it hasn't already. Fortunately for Jeremy "Big Papa" S., one local Yelper has figured it all out, in true zealot form with a furious blaze of brainstorming. The answer lies in print media:

There are enough restaurant reviews in here to topple any high and mighty bay area restaurant critic: Power to citizen journalism and reality reviews!

Imagine if Yelp decided to create a weekly PRINT restaurant / business review guide.

They would start in the Bay Area; the mecca of diversity and personality for the US of A.
It would simply be the best read in town!

Now, at this point, you may be asking what would make a Yelp publication the best read in town.

Why?
1. It's Real
2. It's Funny
3. It's Engaging

Oh, and did I mention the $Money$ to be made in Ad Sales?
Also how do you compensate those hungry restaurant critics?

1. Free Meals
2. VIP Treatment
3. Reality Review (Film Them)

Sounds like the wet dream of a Stoppelman-worshipping, sweatshirt-wearing Yelp Elite fanatic, yes? The entire post further details the plans for this Brave New World, complete with "designer-looking newspaper stands" and local celebrity reviewers like TeamPuffy and GSquad (Short for Granny Squad, duh). Yelp fandom knows no bounds. Good thing print media is totally thriving these days; we've already put in an application for TeamPuffy (note: non-fact).
· Yelp Weekly in Print [Hyperlocal 101]
· Yelp Wanted Archives [~ESF~]