The Week in Yelp: Bad Service Leads to "Displeasingness"

From the people who brought you The Week in Craig, one of the all time great uses of the internet, comes The Week in Yelp, wherein Amy Blair takes aim at the ridiculousness that is the world of Yelp. Her intrepid Yelp-surfing, and words, follow:

Despite having had just about every other crappy job on the planet (telemarketer, newspaper deliverer, dish washer, um, dog counter), I have somehow never been a waitress. This is a little odd, since just about everyone else I know has put in some time waiting tables, and it's exactly the kind of thankless labor I pretty much seem destined to do. Anyway, I may never have been a waitress but I do have some restaurant experience. Many years ago, my brother used to work in the kitchen at Outback Steakhouse. And in college, when I would come home for winter vacations I used to work there during the daytime while the restaurant was otherwise closed for business, selling gift certificates to desperate Christmas shoppers. It was an awesome gig. Nobody was there besides the kitchen prep guys, and all I had to do was sit in the dining room all day reading a book, occasionally selling a gift certificate when someone wandered in. The kitchen would make me anything I wanted for lunch, always off the menu, and I mostly just sat around drinking Diet Cokes and getting paid a better hourly wage than I got at any of my other crappy jobs. Oh, and one other thing I had to do was answer the phone at the hostess station whenever it rang. "G'day mate, Outback Steakhouse, this is Amy, how may I help you?" was the standard greeting. Which is maybe the most humiliating thing I've ever been forced to say. And this is what I remember every time I tip my server, whether they were good or bad, I tip for every ridiculous "G'day mate" I was forced to utter.

Onto the whiners, bitching about bad service?

First up, three F-bombs and a piano bar that doesn’t know the meaning of customer service?

The last two times I've visited Brandy's I've been applauded by the rudeness of the waitstaff and bartenders. Tonight was the final straw in which my friend, on her birthday, was chewed out (3 f bombs) for delaying putting her tip down at the bar. The last time we were here the waitress was also very rude and pushy. Will never go back - they've hired some people who clearly have no idea what customer service is. We came to have a great time and they ended up ruining the night. We will take our business to another piano bar.

I was applauded once by the wait staff and bartenders, too?but I’m pretty sure it was because I fell off my bar stool, and I kinda don’t think that’s what this chick is talking about. Also, I love how she’s all “we’ll take our business to another piano bar,” as though there’s a friggin’ piano bar around every corner in Manhattan. Because, you know, here in New York it’s just one big Billy Joel song, and there’s an old man sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin. Um, no.

Next up, awful eggs, surly bus boys and one very angry gay dude at Caffe Luna Piena:

DO NOT EAT HERE. This place is a damn waste of time and money. It takes more than a few Moroccan lanterns and some potted palms to make a good restaurant people. This place has become like so many establishments in the Castro: they think they have the right to give you a sub standard product (at full price) just because they create a safe space for you to be gay. Places like this TAKE ADVANTAGE OF GAY PEOPLE, they are just using us. I hope this place goes out of business. Their food and service used to be good years ago, but I went there last Sunday and my eggs were awful and the service was ridiculously bad, the waiter ignored us and our bus boy was surly.

There’s nothing worse than a restaurant that serves you shitty food in exchange for, um, letting gay people eat there? Because, you know, they don’t let the gays into good restaurants in San Francisco.

Also, remember people, a few Moroccan lanterns and some potted palms do not the good restaurant make.

Next up, a valuable lesson. If you can’t get into Japas 38, don’t even think of going to Japas 27. I don’t really understand, either.

I tried to have a reservation for my birthday party on Feb. 29 2008 at Japas 38.. BUT since it was Friday night + the end of the month, I couldn't get into it.. understandable.. had to find out new venue.. didn't want to screw up my BIG day! I'd read lots of good reviews about Japas 27, and they have the exactly same Party Package plan ($30 deal: unlimited Food + Drinks within 2 hours).. why not?

apparently, they put wrong name under my reservation when I got there.. crap.. they made me to fax my name, credit card info, and signature on some stupid policy (cancellation or minimum # of ppl and whatsoever).. then, no my name on the list? F*CK! I should be smart enough it might turn out displeasingness at that moment!

we got interruption by horrible singers from other room - YES, you heard me.. it was HORRIBLE! wireless mic technology didn't work!
we got no quick service at all - YES, we were big group (20+ ppl) eaters + drinkers.. needed to fill out our belly by FOOD + HOLY WATER : SAKE! there's no excuse! we paid for those!
we got no good food and drinks - honestly, sushi wasn't that bad, but sake in Plastic Bottle? you kidding me? thought it was water at the first time.. what can we expect from PLASTIC BOTTLE?
we got no pleasant - oh, wait! eventually we got 10% discount with all above awful service.. wasn't good enough to fix the situation.. oh, HELL no!

my REAL birthday only comes every 4 years! should I happy with those GREAT experience, or not?

If only she were smart enough to have realized in advance that it would have turned out displeasingness.

And finally, Gin Sushi:

Like that friend who used to rock out in the garage and keep it real but is now an American Idol rock star?pack your bags, baby, cause I’m taking you on a guilt trip?

I've given this place one too many chances. I'm slapping it with a pair of stars. Sure the food is very good, but since when does that excuse a restaurant from providing awful service?

Gin Sushi is like your friend destined to be an American Idol rock star. She rocks out in the garage and keeps it real, but once stardom is achieved you are left in the dust. A few years back, Gin Sushi was this hidden treasure with so-so service. It was easy to overlook its fallacies. Now, this sushi place has taken way too big of a bite.

This one time, my buddy and I get there on a Friday at 8pm. We get some drinks and the waitress takes down our order. 4 large sapporos and 2 large thingees of hot sake later, we notice how easy it is to get tipsy on an empty stomach. An hour and a half later, we finally get our food. And I won't say what I ordered or else J.W. will be infuriated.

On behalf of the drunken sushi chef, the waitress apologized after we showed a little frustration. They even offered to give us a couple more Sapporos, but we had to pay for them. I told the waitress to pack her bags because I'm taking her on a guilt trip.

All in all, eating here is bitter sweet. It's like french kissing Heidi Klum if she had a cat's tongue.

Dude, it’s “faults,” not “fallacies.” Also, that Heidi Klum thing was just really uncalled for. Gah.

G’day mate!

—Amy Blair