The Week in Yelp: Hangover Busters Edition

From the people who brought you The Week in Craig, one of the all time great uses of the internet, comes The Week in Yelp, wherein Amy Blair takes aim at the ridiculousness that is the world of Yelp. Her intrepid Yelp-surfing, and words, follow:

I enjoy a good twelve-martini lunch as much as the next drunken floozy, but one thing I simply cannot deal with anymore is a hangover. It used to be that an hour of sleep, a Gatorade and a cup of coffee was enough to get me through the day after a late night of heavy drinking. These days I simply cannot function with a hangover. So, how do I do it, you ask? How does an old person like me hold down a job while still managing to keep so much sauce in the tank? Drinking early, my friends, and being in bed by 10:30. Seriously, I regularly go to bed earlier than my sixty-year old mother. Yet I had a Scotch, a mojito, a glass of wine AND a grappa last night?and I feel fucking fantastic this morning (in yo' face!). And yes, that is indeed the most repulsive combination of drinks ever, and yes, I'm quite disgusted with myself. Sigh. But hey, no hangover!

But what are some other hangover-busters, you ask? Continue on for more suggestions from the Yelpers?

First up, one of those annoying chicks who says things like “grueling cardio” and “jaunt to Ibiza” and “delish,” who claims that Mozart is a better hangover cure than uppers. And by “uppers,” I’m pretty sure she means “Dexatrim.”

on a sunday morning brunchtime, after a week's worth of grueling cardio workouts at the equinox in preparation for my jaunt to barcelona and ibiza, i felt my jeans getting a bit loose, and i figured i'd avoid having to purchase a whole new wardrobe for my slightly svelte-r self, and instead gorged on pastries at this little viennese gem inside the neue galerie museum.

the apple tart was delish! as was the monstrosity of a hot chocolate and the breakfast basket of various breads and jams. i left feeling stuffed into my newly slim fitting jeans. loved the mozart playing in the background. classical music does wonders for a hangover!

risk: emerge like an overstuffed strudel
reward: better hangover cure than most uppers

Next up, a $1 cup of coffee and an import beer from a flower shop to take care of that hangover. And also, a totally gratuitous rationale for not eating healthy muffins on the commuter train to work in the morning.

They're listed as a florist. The business cards on the counter say they're a florist. But, umm, it looks more like a snack/news stand to me. Not that there's anything wrong with being a snack/news stand. Quite to the contrary, I find snacks and news much more useful than flowers! Especially considering they're in the 4th and King CalTrain station.

$1 for coffee to take on the train if you've got a hangover.

$2.75 for a big-ass import beer to take on the train if you've *really* got a hangover.

Ooh, and only $1.50 for some tasty locally baked muffins. Granted, these aren't fancy, organic, whole-grain muffins with unrefined sugar that we health-conscious San Franciscans are so accustomed to, but old-school, sugary, moist, sweet-ass muffins that get your fingers all sticky as you're trying to tap away on your laptop on the train.

In fact, it's probably good that these aren't "healthy" muffins. I get the bran muffin when I can, and were the bran to be any more wholesome, I'd have to drop a deuce on the train. And really, nobody wants that.

So thank you, Bow-K, for giving me what I need in the morning, and more importantly, not giving me what I don't need.

Next up, Bread and Butter, a lovely place in the hood where white people can buy their hangover supplies (Advil, Emergen-C, and toasted bagels) without experiencing any crackhead fights or passed out bodies. Charming! Also, cheap fishnet body stockings!!! Um, yeah.

This place is a cut above anything other liquor store you will find in the area.

For starters they carry all your favorites--the 4 food groups of booze (beer, wine, liquor and champagne), plenty of mixers, shnacky poos and all the necessities used to offset a hangover (advil, emergen-c, toasted bagels--mmm....toasted bagels). They are open until 3 or so on weekend nights so if you and your drunk friends are jonesin' for some (above par) minimart food and are sick of trying to flag a cab up on Polk (between say Sutter and Geary) mosy on down the block towards O'Farrell theater (and look! now you know where that is too! it's an educational field trip!). Don't worry the neighborhood never gets THAT scary on Polk.

Yes, their prices are a bit steeper than those you would pay at other locations in the area. But honestly, on some nights it's worth paying the extra 50 cents for my smokes if it means I'm going into a well lit store where I can pick up some tasty Middle Eastern delights, Prohibition Ale and a cheap fishnet body stocking (the kind where I won't feel bad about it's destruction; not like some of that expensive
flimsy junk you buy at....ok I'm off track here). It's one stop shopping in the TL without having to avoid a crackhead fight outside or step over a passed out body (or two). We can save that for the next block.

Next, a recommendation for the best hangover food in Los Angeles from a young man who clearly has some issues. Poor Granny!

my favorite mexican restaurant. huge portions, reasonable prices, great food... the hours of operation are tight, the service isnt fast, but its the best hangover food in LA. i have a crush on the grandma...

And finally, menudo, chorizo and eggs at Armon's to take the edge off from the night before, and a really good line about slapping yo mama that this guy has been holding off using for just the right moment. Good thing, too. What a shame it would have been to waste a HILARIOUS line like that?

I love this little greasy spoon coffee shop. As stated before, they have an interesting blend of American, Mexican & Asian dishes. Truth is, you can't go wrong with any of them. I usually come here Saturday or Sunday morning to treat a hangover with some menudo or chorizo & eggs. For a nice surprise, try the pork fried rice. It tastes so good it'll make you slap yo mama!

Sorry...I've been wanting to use that for a while.

Sometimes the service can be a bit slow but that's only because they're usually packed full of customers. However they are generally nice ladies despite being pushed so hard to accommodate the entire restaurant.

Happy drinking, kids. And remember, take it from me, if you really want to beat those hangovers, go home early. Nothing good ever happens after 10:00 anyway. Sigh.

—Amy Blair