That whole "motion of the ocean" shtick is bull. Size matters, and we all know it (sorry, but true). After scouring this town high and low, we bring you the sandwiches that can fit any appetite- from babies to Kirstie Alley. We've found small sliders, long burgers, burgers large in fat and flavor, and literally the biggest burger we've ever seen second only to this. We've found burgers big and small and like 'em all- now we're just trying to figure out if there's something to that whole overcompensation thing.
Marengo on Union is first on our list with a tiny little guy. These sliders consist of two adorable ounces of Lucky Dog Ranch beef that sits nestled on Chestnut Bakery's mini pain de mie bun. They're so cute you might fall in love and try to take one of each kind home... like puppies. But tastier. And less responsibility.
Balboa comes next with this long contender. It may not be small, but this finalist gets points for longevity. Six inches of Bay Bread baguette is topped with 8 ounces of Storm Hill beef. And if you measure the bias, it can be 9 inches. (Why do we feel like we've heard this before?)
Maverick is third on our list with their Butter Burger. Yes, you read it. Maverick grinds 7 pounds of chuck with two pounds of butter. They then take two 3 ounce patties, stick smoked gouda in the center, and form one layer of dairy-fatted goodness. Topped with gribiche and a sous-vide egg yolk on an Acme round bun, this 6 ounce patty is large in fat, flavor, and demand but low in supply. They're only served on Tuesdays and make enough for around 23 burgers so get there early and get 'em while they're hot.
Lark Creek Steak's Cowboy burger is fourth on our list. An 8 ounce patty slathered in melted cheddar, BBQ sauce, and piled high with bacon and fried onions sits 4 inches tall on Panorama's sesame brioche bun. That may not sound big, but trust us. Measure out 4 inches (seriously). Now imagine it's a sandwich... going in your mouth. You're scared.
Here's the motherload: Burgermeister's Collossal Meisterburger. OK wait NOW be scared. We don't think we've ever seen anything this large in our lives. This giant consists of two half pound patties each draped with two slices of melted cheese, stacked full with caramelized onions, mushrooms, two strips of bacon, and half an avocado. We literally had to stab it with a spear for it to remain upright. According to the owners, people order this all the time. Well they clearly sell to pythons because unhinging your jaw is the only way to down this behemoth. Where's the guy from "Man vs. Food" when you need him?
"Big" thanks to the burgers at Marengo on Union, Balboa, Maverick, Lark Creek Steak, and Burgermeister for your impressive measurements.