Reclaimed Wood + Subway Tiles, Not Headed To Valencia

A jokester/reader with the email address of reclaimedwoodandsubwaytiles@gmail.com sends a message to Eater HQ, masquerading as a restaurant owner. Just another day in the life of the Eater inbox:

"Hi Eater SF,

I just wanted to give you a heads up on our new restaurant project in the works, hopefully opening soon on Valencia! Our restaurant name is: RECLAIMED WOOD + SUBWAY TILES. We are housed in an old factory that, you guessed it, used to manufacture reclaimed wood, and before that, subway tiles for the BART stations back in 1972. We plan to source all of our ingredients from the Hayes Valley farm, and/or "pop-up farms." Our chef has worked in many famous kitchens around the world, and once parked Thomas Keller's Prius when he was a valet parker at Solage in Calistoga. We plan to change our menu Hourly, as to provide the freshest ingredients and trends available.

Here is a sample menu:

*Oysters on the 1/4 shell
*Ponzu spiced tofu, four-leaf clovers, eggplant marinated in Blue Bottle Gibraltar
*Guinea pig dumplings with chamomile broth
*Kim-chi fried chicken
*"Margarita" Pizza, lime, salt, Grand Marinier-marinated basil, mozzarella, Hayes Valley tomatoes
*Tripe Tartare, desert salt
*Pork belly fried rice with pastrami

Also, I also want to mention that with provide NO FOIRKAGE FEE for those who want to bring in their vintage Fois Gras!

Thanks!

RECLAIMED WOOD + SUBWAY TILES Management