April Fools' Pranks: Toast Classes, Meat Cleanses, More

It wouldn't be April Fools' Day without some quality pranks, and as usual, the local food world has delivered by offering some satirical insights into the Bay Area drinking and dining scene. Here are a few of our favorites from this year's batch.

· If you thought $4 toast was an abomination, the San Francisco Cooking School can do you one better: they're offering a class in how to make it for a jaw-dropping $250. As the photo above shows, sous-vide toast is definitely on the menu, and they'll have a butter tasting as well. "By the time you leave this class, you will have a thorough understanding of the Maillard reaction, using fire, common kitchen appliances, and modern techniques to transform bread into the wonder we call 'toast.'" [SFCC]

· Meanwhile, the meaty men of Beast and the Hare are taking on the now-ubiquitous juice cleanse via their Au Jus cleanse, in which participants are encouraged to drink six bottles of au jus a day for a ten-day period. "What this cleanse lacks in vitamins, it makes up for in sodium," says an adherent. "I'm able to knock back about 900% of my daily sodium before noon, and every bottle after that is just a bonus." [The Bold Italic]

· Over at Healdsburg's Jordan Winery, owner John Jordan is organizing a resistance against the evil empire led by Darth Vader Robert Parker, via his Jedi Training Academy. "The rise of an empire where over-oaked, high-alcohol wines reign has gained great power. It's as if half of Napa Valley is under the influence of the Sith." They accept students regardless of midichlorian count, and offer Riedel lightsabers with built in wine thieves. [Jordan]

· SliderBar probably could have thought this through more, but there's some kind of joke here about low-carb lettuce buns, which a lot of other fast-food joints already offer. [Facebook]

· Dominique Crenn is turning into Marco Pierre White, if Michael Krikorian's facetious blog post is to be believed. He asserts that the Atelier Crenn chef assaulted Josiah Citrin's fish at a cooking event, leading Citrin to try to attack her with a kitchen knife while yelling "That dumb ass bitch from San Francisco fucked up my dish!" Crenn's other crimes: stealing the eyeglasses from Nancy Silverton's assistant, then threatening to beat up Silverton herself before fleeing to her native Brittany. [Krikorian Writes]

· The Boba Guys have introduced a $100 boba tea called the Golden Boba, featuring Grade A tapioca soaked in Goldschlager, single-origin cold-fired Icelandic tea, organic Kobe milk from beer-fed cows, and of course, a nice dusting of 14-karat gold. [@bobaguys]

For more food pranks, check out Eater National's comprehensive list from around the nation. And if we didn't feature your Bay Area prank, send it in and we'll add it to the list.