Today comes news that SF Chron critic Michael Bauer will retire after over three decades of Bay Area restaurant criticism. That’s an eternity in the lifecycle of a restaurant (and critic’s role).
How many restaurants opened and closed within that time? How many reviews did he write over his 32 years of shaping public opinion and menus? (As of September 2016 he had written 5,320 reviews by his own account.) The following are some notable reviews published in the past couple years. Does one stick out in your mind? Link to it in the comments.
Who can forget the critic’s trip to Kansas, and his discovery of reasonably priced jumbo shrimp?
Or the time he went to New York City just to take down Jeremiah Tower at Tavern on the Green? (Tower certainly remembers.)
Or the time he wasn’t sure whether sexual harassers should have their restaurants reviewed?
Or the time he compared the duck service at Crystal Jade to a proctology exam?
Or the time he reviewed Taco Bell’s naked chicken chalupa to stay relevant?
Or the time he confessed his love for Popeye’s Chicken, only to ignore the restaurant’s impact on Divisadero’s dining scene.
And how he took his dog everywhere?
There was also that time he said ramen was a trend “fueled by the young tech set who probably had already been eating instant versions at their desks” in his review of now-closed Hapa Ramen.
Then there was the time he burned 30-year-old Guayamas in Tiburon saying, the “complimentary tortilla chips are the best part of the meal, but still pale in comparison to what you’ll find at other places” and ”I’ve had better chicken enchiladas from the frozen-food case of Trader Joe’s.”
And that time the Chronicle made a whole thing about giving Morton’s Steakhouse a zero-star review.
It also took Bauer 24 years on the job before explaining his star rating scale
Don’t forget the time he was felled by food poisoning. Which, surprisingly, only happened twice during his tenure.
And the time he tried to call for an end to sous vide cooking.
Also that time he went on camera wearing a hat and sunglasses as a disguise to discuss being a food critic.
And the time he hid behind a screen while Tyler Florence interviewed him in front of a live audience?
The time he fat-shamed “a zaftig woman” in a two-star review of Bar Bocce.
The time he lost 11 pounds while writing a (sponsored?) post for a fitness tracker.
Also, this is a good time to reread a couple of the takedowns that local media published over the years, including the full copy of Maile Carpenter’s 2001 San Francisco Magazine takedown “Eating in Michael Bauer’s Town” (embedded below) which has been mysteriously missing from the internet until now:
The Trouble with the Michaels [SF Mag]
Eater SF’s Highlights: Trouble with the Michaels [ESF]
CRITICAL MASS: What Do We Want From Our City’s Top Tastemaker? [Edible SF]
It’s been a wild ride, Bay Area. Stay tuned for more details on who will take over the position.